Last week we looked at how rude behavior is rooted in disgust: “I’m better than you in some way and you should know that.” We also noted that sometimes what appears to be rude behavior isn’t true rude behavior because it’s actually rooted in fear or distraction. Since we can’t control other … [Read more...]
“Am I Okay?” vs “Are You Okay?”
As someone who has been working with couples for a long time it’s always exciting to see something new that leaves me wondering, “How didn’t I see that before?” I should point out that working with couples, the patterns don’t vary all that much. Considering there are four communication styles and … [Read more...]
Handling a Bad Moment (Part of the communication series)
One of the great things about marriage and living with someone who is closely tied to you is it can lead to new opportunities to learn and practice tools for communication. Is that a nice way of saying you’ll have crappy days? Crappy days are never what we wake up in the morning hoping will happen: … [Read more...]
The 5 Categories of Men (Pt 2: A Common Problem for Couples)
Last week I broke down guys into five basic modes: Playful, Middle Ground, Serious, Upset, and Explosive. In general, people want to feel understood, which means misinterpreting what category a guy is in leads to us moving down to a worse category. For instance, if you’re Serious and you’re … [Read more...]
The Lost Art of Gentleness
Last week when I was at Marineland with my family for the fifth time this year (my two daughters are obsessed with the dolphins, belugas, and penguins), I was pushing my two year old in a plastic car and accidentally bumped into the person’s heals in front of me. My knee-jerk reaction was to … [Read more...]
A Major Reason Our Society Terrifies Me (how to reduce others fighting)
At what point did it become mandatory to have to like everyone and accept their ways of living? Over my career, I’ve met lots of people who don’t like me and that’s fine. You’re allowed to not like me. I think you’re making a mistake because (written playfully) I think I’m great, but I’m clearly … [Read more...]
Beware of the “Screw You!”
I grew up in a house where my parents never got mad at each other. Some parents save their fights for after the kids go to bed, but my parents never actually fought – never. They were both passive, which is the anger category where you avoid conflict at all costs no matter how much it hurts you. … [Read more...]
10 Tips to Reduce Fights this Holiday Season
The holiday season has a way of bringing a lot of peace, love, and joy... as well as extreme blow up fights. These “experiences” often happen before or after an event where people are smiling and happy; aw, the magic of the season. It’s strange how ups always find a down while the downs don’t … [Read more...]